Emotional Reasoning
Emotional reasoning is the cognitive distortion of believing that feelings reflect facts, assuming that negative emotions indicate truth about situations.
You're not alone
If your teen refuses to attend events because "everyone will judge me" based solely on anxious feelings, or believes they're worthless during sad moods, they're experiencing emotional reasoning. Research shows 85 percent of teens regularly engage in emotional reasoning. This is developmentally normal but needs addressing. Learning to separate feelings from facts is a crucial life skill that many adults still struggle with.
What it looks like day to day
Student
Your teen skips school because morning anxiety "proves" something terrible will happen that day.
Parent
You watch your teen make major decisions based on temporary moods, like quitting activities they love during low moments.
Tiny steps to try
- 1
Feeling vs. fact chart
Create two columns. List feelings in one, facts in the other. Practice separation.
- 2
Evidence gathering
When emotions make claims, investigate. "What evidence supports this feeling? What contradicts it?"
- 3
Mood tracking
Log emotions and predictions. Review later to show feelings weren't predictive of reality.
- 4
Opposite action
When emotions say avoid, approach carefully. Experience often contradicts emotional predictions.
- 5
Wait periods
Implement 24-hour rules before emotion-based decisions. Feelings change; facts remain.
Why teens mistake feelings for facts
The teenage brain experiences emotions intensely while the reasoning centers are still developing, making emotional reasoning especially common.
Examples of emotional reasoning:
• "I feel stupid, so I must be stupid"
• "I'm anxious about the test, so I'll definitely fail"
• "I feel rejected, so everyone hates me"
• "I feel guilty, so I must have done something terrible"
• "I feel hopeless, so things will never improve"
These thought patterns create unnecessary suffering and poor decisions.
References
Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. William Morrow.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Aren't feelings valid and important?
Absolutely. Feelings are valid experiences that provide important information. However, they're not facts about external reality. "I feel anxious" is valid and real. "Therefore, danger exists" is emotional reasoning. Teach teens to honor feelings while questioning the conclusions they draw from them.
How do I validate feelings while challenging emotional reasoning?
Use "and" statements. "You're feeling really scared about the presentation, and you've successfully presented before." Acknowledge the feeling's intensity while presenting contradicting evidence. Never say feelings are wrong, just that the conclusions drawn from them might be inaccurate. Feelings are real; interpretations are questionable.
Related Terms
Critical Thinking
Critical thinking is the ability to analyze information objectively, evaluate different perspectives, and make reasoned judgments rather than accepting information at face value.
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage emotions effectively in yourself and relationships, predicting success in life as much as traditional intelligence.
Metacognition
Metacognition is thinking about your thinking - understanding how you learn best, monitoring your comprehension, and adjusting strategies accordingly.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment, helping teens manage stress, emotions, and attention.
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