Validation
Validation means acknowledging your teen's feelings make sense given their experience, even when you disagree with their actions or see things differently.
You're not alone
If you reflexively minimize your teen's emotions to make them feel better, or jump straight to problem-solving, you're responding like most parents. We want to fix our children's pain quickly. But validation must come before solutions for teens to feel heard and be receptive to guidance.
What it looks like day to day
Parent
Instead of "there's always next year," you say "this must be so disappointing after all your hard work. It makes sense you're upset."
Tiny steps to try
Build validation skills progressively.
- 1
Pause before responding
Take breath before speaking. First instinct is often to fix or minimize.
- 2
Reflect emotions
"It sounds like you're feeling..." Shows you're trying to understand.
- 3
Normalize reactions
"Most people would feel that way" or "that makes sense given..."
- 4
Avoid "but"
"You're upset" not "you're upset BUT it's not that bad." But erases validation.
- 5
Separate feelings from actions
"Your anger makes sense. Punching walls doesn't." Both can be true.
Why invalidation damages relationships
Dismissing or minimizing emotions teaches teens to hide feelings and creates disconnection between parents and teens.
Invalidation patterns:
• "You're overreacting"
• "It's not that bad"
• "You shouldn't feel that way"
• "Just get over it"
• Immediately offering solutions
• Comparing to worse situations
Invalidation makes teens feel unheard, increasing emotional intensity and reducing likelihood of sharing future struggles.
Ready to help your teen thrive?
Get personalized 1-on-1 coaching to build better habits and boost grades. Join 10,000+ families who trust Coachbit.
Frequently Asked Questions
Won't validation make my teen more dramatic?
Actually opposite. Validated emotions dissipate faster than dismissed ones. Drama often comes from desperate attempts to be heard. When teens feel understood, they move through emotions rather than getting stuck. Validation reduces intensity over time.
How do I validate feelings I think are ridiculous?
Remember you're validating their experience, not agreeing with proportionality. "Given how important friends are to you, it makes sense this hurts" works even if you think the drama is overblown. Their feelings are real to them.
Related Terms
Active Listening
Active listening is fully concentrating on, understanding, and responding to someone rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting combines high expectations with high responsiveness, setting clear boundaries while remaining warm and supportive.
Emotional Coaching
Emotional coaching is guiding teens to understand, express, and regulate emotions rather than dismissing or punishing emotional responses.
Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is your teen's ability to manage and respond to feelings in healthy ways, even when emotions feel overwhelming or out of control.
Related Articles
Science Explains Why Your Teen Won’t Listen to You: 4 Ways to Respond
Science shows that at 13, teens no longer listen to their parents and prioritize outside voices. A life coach or mentor is a great external source of support.
Read article
3 Ways an Executive Functioning Coach Can Help Your Child
Discover why executive functioning skills are crucial for your child's success. Learn how an executive functioning coach can make a difference
Read article
