Managing Up
Managing up is the skill of proactively communicating with teachers, coaches, and authority figures to advocate for needs and build positive relationships that support academic and personal success.
Why this skill transfers to life
Managing up is essential for college and career success. It's the foundation of professional relationships, networking, and advancement in any field.
Research in organizational psychology shows that employees who effectively manage up receive more mentoring, better assignments, and faster promotions. Teaching this skill during teen years provides massive advantage in college applications, internships, and early career.
You're not alone
If your teen complains about teachers "hating" them or never asks for help despite struggling, they're missing crucial managing up skills. Research shows that students who proactively communicate with teachers receive more support and achieve better outcomes. Most teens need explicit teaching about how to approach authority figures professionally. This isn't manipulative; it's mature communication that serves everyone.
What it looks like day to day
Student
Your teen struggles with math but never approaches the teacher, then complains about poor grades and claims the teacher doesn't explain well.
Parent
You discover at parent-teacher conferences that help was available all along, but your teen never asked or communicated their confusion.
Tiny steps to try
- 1
Email templates
Create basic templates for common situations: asking for help, clarifying assignments, or explaining absences. Remove the mystery of professional communication.
- 2
Office hours practice
Role-play approaching teachers. Practice saying "I'm struggling with X. Could you help me understand it better?"
- 3
Weekly check-in habit
Encourage one teacher interaction weekly, even just saying "I enjoyed today's lesson." Build comfort with authority figures.
- 4
Problem-solving ownership
When issues arise, ask "What will you say to your teacher?" before jumping to solve it yourself.
- 5
Appreciation expression
Teach your teen to thank teachers for help. "Thanks for explaining that differently" builds positive relationships.
Why managing up matters for teens
Most teens wait for teachers to notice their struggles or assume adults should automatically understand their needs. Managing up flips this dynamic, teaching teens to take initiative in their educational relationships.
Benefits of managing up:
• Teachers become allies rather than adversaries
• Problems get solved before becoming crises
• Grades improve through better communication
• Recommendations become stronger
• Confidence grows through successful advocacy
• Workplace skills develop early
This skill transforms teens from passive recipients of education to active partners in their learning journey.
Ready to help your teen thrive?
Get personalized 1-on-1 coaching to build better habits and boost grades. Join 10,000+ families who trust Coachbit.
Frequently Asked Questions
Isn't this teaching my teen to be manipulative?
Not at all. Managing up is about clear, respectful communication and taking responsibility for relationships. It's the opposite of manipulation, which involves deception. You're teaching your teen to be proactive, professional, and solution-focused. These are essential life skills that create win-win situations where both student and teacher benefit.
What if the teacher really is the problem?
Sometimes teachers are difficult or unfair. Managing up still helps. It documents your teen's efforts to improve the situation and builds skills for dealing with difficult people throughout life. If professional communication doesn't help, you have clear evidence for escalation. But often, teachers respond positively to students who communicate maturely.
Related Terms
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage emotions effectively in yourself and relationships, predicting success in life as much as traditional intelligence.
Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy is the ability to understand your needs, communicate them clearly to others, and take action to get appropriate support or accommodations.
Related Articles
Science Explains Why Your Teen Won’t Listen to You: 4 Ways to Respond
Science shows that at 13, teens no longer listen to their parents and prioritize outside voices. A life coach or mentor is a great external source of support.
Read article
3 Ways an Executive Functioning Coach Can Help Your Child
Discover why executive functioning skills are crucial for your child's success. Learn how an executive functioning coach can make a difference
Read article
