Friction
Friction is the number of steps, amount of effort, or barriers between your teen and a behavior, determining whether habits form or break.
You're not alone
If your teen has great intentions but keeps defaulting to easy bad habits, friction is likely the culprit. We underestimate how much small barriers influence behavior. The cookie jar on the counter matters more than conversations about healthy eating. Most behavior change fails because we focus on motivation instead of friction.
What it looks like day to day
Student
Your teen never practices guitar when it's in the case but plays daily when it's on a stand in their room.
Parent
You notice homework happens when supplies are ready on desk but not when teen has to gather materials first.
Tiny steps to try
Manipulate friction strategically for behavior change.
- 1
Reduce good habit friction
Lay out workout clothes, keep water bottle filled, books on nightstand.
- 2
Add bad habit friction
Phone charger in parent's room, gaming controller in closet, junk food in basement.
- 3
One-step rule
Make starting any good habit require only one simple step.
- 4
Multiple-step barriers
Add several steps to problematic behaviors. Each step is a decision point.
- 5
Convenience audit
Identify what's easiest in environment. Make desired behaviors the most convenient option.
Why friction determines behavior
Small amounts of friction can completely change behavior patterns, regardless of motivation or willpower.
Friction effects:
• One extra step can prevent good habits
• Removing one barrier can eliminate bad habits
• Convenience beats intention almost always
• Path of least resistance wins
• Tiny obstacles feel insurmountable when tired
• Easy access makes behaviors automatic
Understanding friction explains why location of phone chargers matters more than screen time lectures.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Isn't removing friction just making things too easy?
Strategic friction removal for positive behaviors builds success momentum. Life provides plenty of natural friction. Help teens experience wins by removing unnecessary barriers to good habits while they develop skills. They can add appropriate challenges once habits are established.
How much friction should I add to stop bad habits?
Start with minimal friction and increase if needed. Often one or two steps are enough. Too much friction can create reactance and sneaking. The goal is making the behavior inconvenient enough that teens choose alternatives, not creating forbidden fruit.
Related Terms
Automaticity
Automaticity is when a skill becomes so well-practiced that it happens automatically without conscious thought, freeing up mental resources for higher-level thinking.
Environmental Design
Environmental design is intentionally structuring physical and digital spaces to make desired behaviors easier and undesired behaviors harder.
Habit Loop
The habit loop is a three-part brain cycle of cue, routine, and reward that drives automatic behaviors and can be hacked to build positive habits.
Habit Stacking
Habit stacking is linking a new habit to an existing routine, using established behaviors as triggers for new ones to build consistent patterns.
Tiny Habits
Tiny habits are behaviors so small they require minimal motivation, designed to build consistency before expanding into larger routines.
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