Social-Emotional Learning 5 min read

Emotional Regulation Tools

Emotional regulation tools are specific techniques, strategies, and resources teens can use to manage intense emotions, prevent overwhelm, and maintain emotional balance.

Why variety and practice matter

Research on emotion regulation shows that flexibility in strategy use predicts better outcomes than relying on single techniques. What works varies by person, emotion, and context.

Studies demonstrate that teens who learn multiple regulation strategies show better emotional outcomes than those taught single techniques. The key is practice during calm states, building muscle memory for crisis moments. Like fire drills, regulation tools must be rehearsed before emergencies.

Aldao et al. (2010) found that flexibility in emotion regulation strategy use is associated with better psychological health. Bonanno and Burton (2013) demonstrated that regulatory flexibility predicts resilience and adaptation better than any single strategy.

You're not alone

If your teen knows they should calm down but doesn't know how, or current strategies aren't working, they need more tools. Many parents suggest strategies that worked for them without realizing teens might need completely different approaches. Building a diverse emotional toolkit takes experimentation. Families who develop regulation tools together find what actually works versus what should theoretically help.

What it looks like day to day

Student

Your teen keeps fidget tools in their backpack and uses specific breathing techniques before tests to manage anxiety.

Parent

You see your teen independently using their regulation toolkit—taking cold showers for anger, journaling for sadness, or exercise for restlessness.

Tiny steps to try

Build a personalized regulation toolkit through experimentation.

1

Tool testing

Try different tools when calm to learn what works. Practice before needing them in crisis.
2

Portable toolkit

Keep regulation tools accessible. Phone apps, pocket fidgets, or playlist ready when needed.
3

Quick vs. deep tools

Have 30-second tools (deep breath) and 30-minute tools (full workout). Match tool to available time.
4

Environmental tools

Modify space for regulation. Dim lights, [comfortable seating](/the-parent-bit/finding-order-in-the-chaos-setting-up-calendars-for-kids), calming colors.
5

Tool cards

Create reference cards listing tools for different emotions. Anger tools differ from anxiety tools.

Why teens need concrete regulation tools

Abstract advice like "calm down" or "control yourself" doesn't help when emotions overwhelm. Teens need specific, practical tools they can access during emotional intensity.

Categories of regulation tools:
• Physical tools: Stress balls, weighted blankets, fidgets
• Breathing techniques: Box breathing, 4-7-8 method
• Cognitive tools: Reframing, thought challenging
• Sensory tools: Music, aromatherapy, temperature change
• Movement tools: Exercise, stretching, walking
• Creative tools: Drawing, journaling, music

Different tools work for different emotions and situations.

References

Aldao, A., Sheppes, G., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation flexibility. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 39(3), 263-278.

Bonanno, G. A., & Burton, C. L. (2013). Regulatory flexibility: An individual differences perspective on coping and emotion regulation. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 8(6), 591-612.

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Frequently Asked Questions

My teen says regulation tools are "cringe" or "babyish." What do we do?

Reframe tools as performance optimization rather than problems. Athletes use breathing techniques. Navy SEALs use cold exposure. Successful people journal. Find examples your teen respects using similar tools. Sometimes renaming helps: "reset strategies" instead of "calming tools." Let them choose tools that feel authentic.

What if tools stop working or make things worse?

Tools need regular evaluation and updating. What worked at 13 might not at 16. If tools increase distress, they might be suppression rather than regulation. Some teens need professional guidance, especially if traditional tools trigger anxiety. Consider whether underlying issues need addressing beyond surface regulation.