Collaborative Problem Solving
Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) is an approach where parents and teens work together as partners to understand and solve behavioral challenges rather than imposing adult solutions.
Why collaborative problem solving works
CPS recognizes that teens do well if they can, and that challenging behavior signals lagging skills or unmet needs rather than willful defiance.
Core CPS principles:
• Problems are solved WITH teens, not FOR them
• Understanding concerns comes before solutions
• Both perspectives matter equally
• Solutions must be mutually satisfactory
• Focus on skill-building, not compliance
• Relationship preservation alongside limit-setting
This approach reduces power struggles while teaching real problem-solving skills teens need for life.
You're not alone
If you're exhausted from battles over rules and consequences that never seem to create lasting change, you're ready for collaborative problem solving. Many parents find that traditional discipline stops working in adolescence, creating relationship damage without behavior improvement. CPS offers an alternative that respects teen development while maintaining necessary boundaries. Families using CPS report fewer conflicts, better solutions, and stronger relationships than those stuck in punishment cycles.
What it looks like day to day
Student
Your teen participates in creating solutions for chronic lateness rather than receiving imposed consequences that breed resentment without change.
Parent
Instead of declaring "You're grounded for missing curfew," you explore together why curfew is hard and what would help.
Tiny steps to try
Implement collaborative problem solving through structured conversations and genuine partnership.
- 1
Empathy first
Start by understanding your teen's perspective without judgment. "Help me understand what makes morning routines so hard."
- 2
Share concerns calmly
Express your perspective without attacking. "I worry about your safety when I don't know where you are."
- 3
Invitation to solve
"I wonder if we can find a solution that works for both of us" opens collaboration rather than demanding compliance.
- 4
Brainstorm together
Generate solutions without immediate evaluation. Wild ideas often lead to workable compromises.
- 5
Test and adjust
Try solutions with agreement to revisit if not working. This reduces resistance and allows refinement.
Why CPS transforms family dynamics
Collaborative Problem Solving, developed by Dr. Ross Greene, is based on research showing that challenging behavior results from lagging skills in flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving. Rather than motivational deficits requiring consequences, these are skill deficits requiring teaching.
Studies of CPS show significant reductions in oppositional behavior, improved parent-child relationships, and decreased parental stress. The approach is particularly effective for teens with ADHD, autism, and anxiety, who often lack the executive function skills assumed by traditional discipline. By teaching skills through collaboration, CPS creates lasting change.
Greene (2014) demonstrated that CPS significantly reduces oppositional behavior and improves family functioning. Pollastri et al. (2013) found that CPS implementation leads to decreased use of restraints and improved outcomes in clinical settings.
References
Greene, R. W. (2014). The explosive child: A new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated, chronically inflexible children (5th ed.). Harper.
Pollastri, A. R., Epstein, L. D., Heath, G. H., & Ablon, J. S. (2013). The collaborative problem solving approach: Outcomes across settings. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 21(4), 188-199.
Ready to help your teen thrive?
Get personalized 1-on-1 coaching to build better habits and boost grades. Join 10,000+ families who trust Coachbit.
Frequently Asked Questions
Doesn't CPS let teens manipulate or avoid consequences?
CPS maintains expectations while changing the approach. Teens still face natural consequences and must participate in solving problems they create. The difference is working together on solutions rather than imposing punishments. This actually increases accountability because teens help create plans they're invested in following. Manipulation decreases when teens have legitimate input.
What about non-negotiable safety rules?
Safety remains non-negotiable, but how to ensure safety can be collaborative. Instead of "You can't go to that party," try "I need to know you'll be safe. What ideas do you have?" Often teens generate stricter solutions than parents would impose when they genuinely participate. Even with firm boundaries, understanding teen perspectives improves compliance.
Related Terms
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution involves managing disagreements constructively through communication, compromise, and problem-solving rather than avoidance or aggression.
Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is your teen's ability to manage and respond to feelings in healthy ways, even when emotions feel overwhelming or out of control.
Executive Function
Executive function is your brain's management system that helps teens plan, focus, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.
Related Articles
3 Ways an Executive Functioning Coach Can Help Your Child
Discover why executive functioning skills are crucial for your child's success. Learn how an executive functioning coach can make a difference
Read article
Science Explains Why Your Teen Won’t Listen to You: 4 Ways to Respond
Science shows that at 13, teens no longer listen to their parents and prioritize outside voices. A life coach or mentor is a great external source of support.
Read article
